Mindfulness...

 It's hard to believe 

that I haven't always looked like this!   

I can't believe I am actually writing this post, because it is embarrassing to me.

Embarrassing, that I let one day roll into the next.

Embarrassing that I had progressively let my weight get to the point, the second number contained a "5" in it (which was what I weighed when I was 9 months pregnant with Jade).
But, my blog is a journal and this is something that while difficult to blog about, ought to be recorded.  Maybe even some of what I have discovered about myself will be helpful to someone else out there.

(photo of Jade and I circa 2002)
 Back before Ethan was born, 
I used to meticulously count calories. 

I was a label reader and I would count out the portion that was on the box, put in a container and then that is all I would eat.

I never struggled with my weight ever!!
I never thought I would deal with a weight problem... and that is what got me into trouble!
Tracy and I began to get a treat of some kind almost every time we were in the check-out line at the store.  Usually it was something pretty harmless like splitting an Almond Joy candy bar but that lack of mindfulness really adds up over the course of a day.
Later on, we would be comfy watching a movie on the couch after the kids had gone to bed and before we knew it we would have downed an entire bag of chips and salsa.
If you have ever read the calories on a bag of M&M's you will realize that 1/4 of a cup is 220 calories.
1/4 cup is a small handful and how many handfuls do you enjoy when there is an open bag of M&M's on the counter?!?

It's amazing how much sitting for 6-8 hours at a time, "chained" to a desk, staring into a computer screen, stressing about work problems and also sleeping poorly, can contribute to weight gain as well.

It's amazing how packing on an extra 2-3 pounds of fat a year, over the course of 11 years can add up to thirty pounds.

Well, that is roughly how many pounds I have lost in the past seven months or so.
 The amazing thing is I have not really been trying to lose weight.  
Since quitting my job in 2012, I just wanted to feel healthier, have more energy and be more active.  
I had gotten so used to how I looked...
I really didn't see myself as chubby and overweight. 

This photo was taken one week 
after I quit my 22 year job at Artco 
last January 2012.

These photos were taken of me at my Aunt Betty's funeral in June 2012.
WOW!  Can you say horrendous looking!
I can't believe how heavy and unattractive I look. Oh, how I wish I could go back and retake these photos with my cousins and aunts and uncles. 

(and YUCK to the blonde hair...I'm just amazed that I ever thought this color looked good on me... SO grateful to have gone back to my natural root color.)

This photo was taken after the funeral while we stopped to get ice cream at Peach City in Brigham City, Utah. 

Well, time marched on and before summer of 2012 had come to an end, I had gotten hired on with two local schools teaching PE to grades K-5 two days a week.
You wouldn't think that those two days of non-stop moving would have been such a difference in my life, but WOW, did it ever!

Here are before and after photos and I'm just amazed at the difference that 30 pounds can make on my frame size.

I haven't gone on any special diet.
I haven't been extreme in any way at all.
The only thing I can think of is that I have been MINDFUL!
I meticulously watch what I eat everyday.
If I over do it one day, I make sure to eat better the next day.   
Never have I felt deprived. 
Daily mindfulness doesn't feel like dieting. 
It just feels like the way I ought to be living in every aspect anyway.

Another thing I do is I weigh myself each morning after I get out of the shower.  That way, if I'm up a pound, I can adjust my eating that day. It is much easier to lose one pound, than it is to lose ten pounds.
Life is about balance.
YES, We splurge on burgers and fries on occasion, we eat ice cream and pizza from time to time, however, it is more moderately than it has been in the past and usually we share something and savor each bite.
I have always been one to eat pretty healthy during the week but recently I have made a shift to eating a delicious salad for lunch instead of dinner left-overs...
 when you "dig-in" to a big salad, you are filling up on lots of veggies  
(lettuce, cabbage, tomatoes, carrots, broccoli, 
cucumbers, green onions and pea pods).
The salads are topped with a heaping spoonful of cottage cheese for protein and sometimes chicken or salmon is added as well.  I include a piece of fruit and some other kind of treat in our lunch also.  From a dietary perspective, these daily salads are the biggest change to our lifestyle that I can think of.  Really, for the most-part, weight loss is a numbers game. Salads like ours are very filling, with some good ingredients for energy without being too calorie dense.  Also, there is very little in our lunches that cause a big spike in insulin.   
In other words, they are low in carbs...  but really I haven't been thinking too much about carbs or protein or fat, I just enjoy eating these delicious salads and being mindful about how much snacking I do throughout the day.

  I must say, with the recent changes in my body, I am feeling much more confident in my appearance and more confident to be in photos! 

We just celebrated 
some happy moments this past month...

Mother's Day 2013

Family photos  May 18, 2013

Jade's High School Graduation 
May 25, 2013

 
Swimming at Lava Hot Springs 
Memorial Day Weekend 2013  

Now that summer is here, I won't be teaching PE but I will be working in the yard, doing daily yoga, riding my bike, hiking and backpacking.  I have also been thinking that I really ought to start lifting weights and developing some additional muscle tone, especially in my core and upper body!
Come fall, I want to really show my PE students how push-ups, pull-ups and crunches are done!
At this point, I don't want get any thinner at all.
I just want to be healthy, toned, full of energy so I can enjoy each and every day of my wonderful life to the fullest! 

Change...

 Change…the one constant in life!

(Warning...this is a journal entry for me to remember, 
so it is a LONG BLOG POST!)

Twenty-twelve…the year for major change in my life!  
I had chosen the word “GUMPTION”
for my word this year which means
“nerve”, “courage”, “initiative, 
“the quality of being sensible and brave enough to do the right thing in a difficult situation”

GUMPTION is the perfect word for me as
I am NOT good at taking initiative,
OR having the “nerve” and “courage” to really say and do what I feel! 
It’s definitely something that I want to make a strength in my life this coming year.
Once and for all
I’m going to take the quote by Steve Jobs and apply it to my life!

Well, my year definitely started off using 
a lot of GUMPTION from my part.  
You see, after 21 years of being at the same company, Artco, 
I turned in my letter of resignation when I went back to work after the Christmas break.  

(Background) The company I worked for was definitely seasonal as they are a printing company for Christmas Cards, graduation announcements and wedding invitations.   It seems with the economy that year after year they have struggled and so it makes it where we have about 2 months out of the year that are REALLY stressful for Christmas and another 2 months that are stressful for graduation and wedding seasons. SO, it puts us really short handed in the busy times and there are many a day you are chained to a phone cord and it feels you can hardly break away to use the bathroom, most days.  Well, November 4th  Tracy called me as he usually does when he is on his way home and I broke into tears, it had been one of those EXTREMELY stressful days where my kidneys hurt, my body ached, my emotions were on edge and Tracy gave me his blessing to quit. I didn’t want to leave my department in a bind during the busiest time of the year and so I stuck it out until the end of the year. I told myself I would see how I was feeling after the Christmas break.  

I had a wide array of emotions.
I knew that financially we would be okay.
We would definitely have to watch our pennies because we wouldn’t have my income to fall back on (while my income went to pay off debt and extra on our mortgage, I still was able to contribute to adding money for FUN and activities to our finances).  
We definitely know how to live frugally and will definitely be able to put our frugal living skills to use, in a way that we have never before done.
It will be a GOOD thing to “Regroup” to get our home life in order
and for me to decide what I want to do with the rest of my life.

On Christmas morning I got the sweetest card from Tracy
and I knew that everything would be okay to quit Artco and to move on.
I felt I was SO lucky that I was being given a second chance to redesign my life
for the mistakes I had made in our early years of marriage with career/school choices. 

December 27th
I turned in my letter of resignation and it was definitely the hardest thing I had ever done. I didn’t think it be taken the way it did. I had people stumbling over themselves wanting to know what changes they could make to the work environment to get me to stay.  They even tried to find a different position in a different department to get me to stay.  I definitely felt SO loved and appreciated and valued!!  It was a good feeling, but sad nonetheless. 

 (my last day at work...my work station)
January 12th…
It was crazy driving up for my last day of work…I had driven to that building pretty much everyday for the past 21 years of my life!   
Definitely a bitter-sweet day…my last day of work,
sad to say goodbye to all of the many wonderful friends I have made through the years. They are truly all like family, we route for each other kids, have been there for each other to celebrate marriages, births, deaths and all of the events that come from having a family.  My last day was supposed to be on the 13th, however, we were slow and they were making people lose hours, so they told me on the 11th that my last day would be the 12th.  I’m glad they gave me a warning so I could bake up “Pink Cookies with Sprinkles”…
my signature cookie that I could share with my co-workers on my last day.

 It was very surreal to clean out my desk, load everything in my car and use my name badge to “punch out” for the last time ever…
 to know that I would never be walking through those doors again to put in a hard day’s work.
Crazy, weird feeling!

(this letter of recommendation from my boss made me cry...
Betsy was truly the BEST boss I have ever had in the 21 years of working at Artco)


It was definitely taking a leap of faith…
 I had butterflies for weeks, wondering how it would all work out,
but everything turned out great and I haven’t looked back.   

For the first time in my life
I have been able to daily have breakfast with my family
and send my boys out the door with a big hug and kiss!   
I have had ENERGY
that I never knew that I had and it’s been  
wonderful to actually stay awake for a movie!!

Ethan just can’t comment enough how AWESOME that mom is home every morning to have breakfast and how AWESOME it is that YAY, we have watched many movies this past few weeks and mom has stayed awake for every one of them!    
WOW, and has the spark in our love life been ignited!! 
I thought our marriage was passionate and loving before,
but, quitting work has added LOTS more love and romance than we have ever had
AND it’s given us energy AND time to REALLY connect and enjoy each other!!

Just purchased the following book 

 and I’m excited to enjoy lots of sexual fun with my Sweetie!! 

What my time off work is NOT…
 it is definitely not a vacation and definitely not a party!! 
I can’t believe how many people have come up to me and said that is so awesome that you are not working….you’ll have to come to this event, or that event, or, how fun that you can blah, blah, blah!

The only way I justified quitting my job, was so my full time JOB could be to once and for all FINALLY get our home in order,
since working part time and then dealing with family/church obligations in my remaining time, made it where I never had any large blocks of free time to get to any of our languishing projects.

 Our basement is full of PILES of things that need organized and gone through.
(it pretty much looks like something blew up down there). 
Between home improvement projects and then on many occasions having company/family come over and so what did we do when we were in a mess?  We took our “Piles” of whatever project we were in the middle, hauled them down the basement so the main level was clean and organized and everything looks PERFECT…after doing that for 12 years and NOT having time to really get to taking care of those piles, they are seriously out of control, actually BEYOND out of control!!!      

SO at this stage of my life, I wake up every morning, get ready, make lunches and breakfast, have LOTS of great conversations with my men while we eat breakfast and I send them all out the door with hugs and kisses!    
I then hit the pavement hard doing my NEW full time job of organizing and de-cluttering my home!  

Most days I don’t even get on the computer as I don’t want to get “Sucked” in. I want to make the best use of my time out of the work force, so as soon as everything is organized and there is a place for everything and everything in its place,  
THEN I get the fun of painting walls, and trim and helping Tracy
get our home FINALLY once and for all FINISHED so we can truly be able to put all of our energy towards making our DREAMS of what we really want to do with our life, become a REALITY!   

This time off work is a “regrouping” for ME!
A chance to get my body back in-shape after being at a sit-down job for 21 years,
a chance to get our life in order,
a chance for me to have a few months of time that I don’t have to
grovel for each vacation day I can use,
a chance to be able to help in my kids schools and for the first time EVER…
a chance for me to have ONE summer of my life
that I don’t have to work half of the day…
I get to spend each day of the summer with my BOYS!!  

Come August or September
I look forward to being back in the work force, 
 making a difference in people’s lives and most of all
being able to help in contributing to our family finances once again!

Time is going SO quickly
and I hope I’m able to accomplish everything that I have on my lists of things to do.   
Grateful for my blog,
where I can document this next adventure in my life
and hopefully, I’m able to make the progress in my life and home that I have set a goal to achieve! 

Here are some things I’ve been working on so far…

 (pulled everything out of the freezers 
and took an inventory and typed a list of what we have to use)

(organized the cabinets in my kitchen)

(canned up 36 pints of chicken and organized my food storage room)

(shoveled the driveway on three different occasions that it has snowed)

FINALLY got pictures printed off and hung in our
wall collage frame that we have had since Christmas 2010)

This coming week the "Office in a Closet" will be finished 
and I'll finally start taking care of the piles in the basement!

(OH, and I am embracing my straight hair 
and taking my hubby's advice that it looks good on me...
so far I am really enjoying it)

Here’s to a wonderful, 
happy, productive 2012!!