The curve balls of life...

Life has felt like a blur lately...

so many things to do, 

obligations to fulfill,

people to please!

As if the normal life wasn't 
enough to keep you busy,

 you get a fun curve ball thrown at you! 

That would totally be my life right now!

Zumba....
Oh how I LOVED you!

I loved dancing and moving and burning calories in such a fun way that didn't feel like exercise at all!
I guess my poor knee can't handle all of the quick movements!
I guess I'm doomed to not be able to enjoy dancing to the fullest!
(I had knee surgery in High School from an injury I got while on the drill team and had to give up dancing my Senior year).

I've had a Baker's Cyst on the back of my knee
 for the past year or so. 
 It's ugly, but it hasn't caused me any trouble at all. 

However, the first week of August, I went to Zumba and while doing the most FUN dance to "Jai Ho" that I have ever done, 
my knee starting bothering me a bit.

The next week we went on our yearly backpacking trip 
and I survived without too much pain on the trip, 
but, a few days after we got home, it started bothering me again. I dealt with the pain and irritation and in about 2-3 weeks it finally seemed better.

The end of August, I started up teaching PE again and my knee seemed okay for the first 5 weeks of class.
I ran, skipped, jumped rope, the whole nine yards!
I even ran stairs on the beach when we went on our California Trip!

BUT, one fine day in October while doing Jumping Jacks, something gave way and I was in excruciating pain and my knee swelled up SO bad. 
I knew that I wasn't going to be able to get better unless I went to the doctor.

I called and made an appt., 
and of course, it would take a week to get in.

I have the sweetest hubby in the world that took me on several dates to Heise Hot Springs to give my knee some therapy during that week of waiting.

This was the sunset we enjoyed on one of those nights of soaking.

I was finally able to get in to see my doctor, 
they did an X-Ray on my knee and they didn't see anything wrong with it and they drew off 25 cc of fluid from the Baker's Cyst. 
WOW! 
 No wonder why I was in such discomfort! 

 The doctor thought that draining the cyst
 should be the end of my problem.  
It was awesome to be able to run again without pain!  
I was in heaven.

However, 4 days later, my cyst filled with fluid again
and we realized that there was a worse underlying problem that would need to be seen using an MRI.

Sure enough the MRI showed a torn meniscus, 
and quite a bit of arthritis.  

SO, I'm scheduled for knee surgery on Friday, December 13th to fix my meniscus and drain my cyst again!
(they won't be able to do anything about the arthritis)

I'm excited to finally have my knee back so I can be active and able to confidently do all of the things that I love doing SO much! 
Can't wait to enjoy a winter of cross-country skiing with my family! 

SO, because my month of December is filled to the rim with normal holiday activities, planning a Pack Night, working on my Wood Badge projects, perfecting "Silent Night" for a duet I have play for the Christmas recital, school projects  and now adding surgery into the mix,our friends and neighbors got their goodie bags from us for Thanksgiving rather than Christmas! 

As I reflect on my wonderful life, I can't help but focus on the good and positive things I have in abundance...

The most AWESOME and supportive husband and kids!!
A healthy family!
A body that works perfectly, even with a less than perfect knee!
A home full of LOVE where we get told DAILY how much we're loved and appreciated!  

Nourishing and delicious food to eat, 
clean water to drink,
clean water to wash and bathe with,
WARM and toasty house,
wonderful and thoughtful family and friends!

Life is wonderful, 
even when it throws you 
some curve balls now and again!
The most important thing,
 is focusing on all of the GOOD you have,
which far outweighs the bad!  

Life is what you make of it!

"Keep your heart open to dreams.

 For as long as there’s a dream, there is hope, 

and as long as there is hope, there is joy in living". 

(Marc and Angel Hack Life)

I've been doing a lot of thinking about life lately,
especially,
after we had a big thunder and rainstorm last week and it felt like "The Sound of Music" as Ethan came running into our bedroom and hopped into our bed and snuggled up to us because he was scared of the thunder and lightning storm outside.
I got thinking of the lyrics of "My Favorite Things":

 "When the dog bites, when the bee stings, 
when I'm feeling sad. I simply remember my favorite things 
and then I don't feel... So bad"!

I'm an optimist!
I'm a "glass is 3/4 full" kind of gal!
I could be in a field of weeds and find some little bug, or some pretty flower and focus on that rather than the dry old weeds.

I mean look at my back yard, or that lack there of.  
It's one big dry weed patch!! 
However, I focus on the green trees growing and our cute chicken coop and garden shed, built by the hands of my hubby
 and I love our sweet chickens!

(We are classy people with a beautiful front yard, 
but haven't wanted to go into debt for a back yard, so it is coming as we have time and money to put it in.)

Our summer was so hectic with two weeks of 
Wood Badge in June, 
that our garden didn't get planted this year.
It is just a big box of weeds and I actually looked at it yesterday morning and thought it was pretty and snapped this photo of it because it reminded me of something you would see at an old Homestead.

It is very seldom that I ever focus on the negative, 
or ever feel sorry for myself.  
Except I do have a confession to make...

I have been SO excited because summer 2013 was going to be the summer that we hiked more trails and backpacked more miles than we ever have had in any previous summer!

We were going to
hike 3 different trail systems in Yellowstone...
Spend an entire afternoon swimming in the Firehole river and climbing all around.
We were going to 
backpack in Alaska Basin for a three day adventure just the four of us.
We were going to
spend a day riding bicycles at Harriman Park.
ALL of that BEFORE
we went on our yearly backpacking adventure the second week in August.
It was all on the calendar.
I was giddy like a school girl,
SO very excited, so excited in fact,
that it almost felt too good to be true!

However, my sweet hubby, who truly is the BEST dad to his sons
had this happen to him last week!
(my comment to his Facebook post)
"I think Tracy had experienced one of his most stressful days of the summer on Tuesday. Combine that with an 11 year-old that wants some time with dad and a dad who is trying to be fun and awesome and it's almost dark and just not thinking when he jumped off the trampoline, that we have the rockiest and most uneven ground in the entire universe and it was a total accident waiting to happen! . He was trying to be stupendous when he hopped off the trampoline!
 Just grateful it wasn't a lot worse"!

Well, combine a  sprained ankle (of which needs 2-6 weeks to heal) with overwhelming and stressful time at Tracy's work and it put a screeching halt to the things we had planned.

I have to admit that I had a few moments of sadness, because, there are only 2-1/2 months each year where the kids are out of school, I don't have to work and Tracy has seven Fridays off.

However, I quickly turned my frown upside 
and smiled that frown away!

I have my husband still here with me.
Family events and backpacking trips can wait while he heals.

There is a really inspiring man named Ezra Caldwell
and Tracy and I have been following his blog. (here) 
He has stage four metastatic rectal cancer and only has weeks to live and so when I read his story and read his weekly updates, it definitely puts things into perspective and I'm just grateful that none of us has a terminal illness.
Yes, we can definitely put life on hold for a bit to deal with a sprained ankle.

 I get to hug, love and kiss my dear sweet husband each day!
 Ezra's days with his sweet and beautiful wife are limited.

I have two wonderful sons that I get to be a parent to,
unlike Ezra and Hillary, who because of his five year battle with cancer are not able to have children together and know the JOY of being a parent together.

Life is what you make of it 
and we need to make sure to focus on the positive
and treasure,savor and truly CHERISH 
each and every day that we have on this earth!
Each and every day that we get to spend with our families,
Each and every day that we get to see and experience
all of the BEAUTY that is so abundantly around us.


SO, here are some happy photos 
from my past week!

Cousins very much enjoying their sleep-over.
It's 10:30 pm and Ethan and Bryson are enjoying a bed time snack by flashlight, all cozy on the trampoline in their sleeping bags, talking about Minecraft and looking at the stars!

It felt like "It's a Wonderful Life"...
One of our local neighborhood farmers was in a bind with his pea crop and families from the surrounding area, came and spent the entire day and well into the night, picking peas and boxing them up.
It was an amazing moment to experience
and I'm SO grateful my kids got to be a part of it. It is truly something we'll never forget.

Got to spend the evening with the 
awesome YW at our summer retreat.
The night ended with a spectacular sunset 
with colors and clouds above the cottonwood trees!

Fresh flowers from one the garden of one my neighbors...
Chocolate chip Banana Bread from a sweet friend...
Temple cupcakes made and delivered to me
 for a treat from two of my YW girls...
These sweet acts of kindness just totally 
made and brightened my day!

Hostas, Lilies and 
Daisies from my yard...

 

I love everything blooming in my yard...

Sad that the daisies are starting to fade. 

I'm sure going to enjoy them until they're gone!

Tracy and I took a stroll hand in hand walking around our neighborhood and when we got home we sat and enjoyed the most brilliant and gorgeous sunset.

"Hey, It's a grey shirt day"! 
(as pointed out to me by Jade on our way in to the store).
 I sure do love my boys!

The love of my life came in the door after a long and tiring day and grilled us the yummiest burgers on the grill.

I savored each bite as we sat on the front porch and talked about how GREAT our life is...
We have an abundance of LOVE...
we live in a beautiful area, have a cozy home, good food to eat, money to pay the bills and most of all
 WE HAVE EACH OTHER 
and all of the things that really matter in life!

The value of persistence...

My heart is full of so much gratitude right now!
We made it through a challenging week that ended up being SO rewarding and fulfilling by the time it was done. 

My sweet son Jade 
did one of the hardest things he's ever done up to this point in his life; that of digging down deep, 
finding courage he never knew he had 
and giving a talk in church.

I'm SO proud of him and this great accomplishment! 

Jade told me what he wanted to say in his talk and I typed it up  (Tracy helped out SO much as well)
We worked and worked and WORKED on it every day, all week long, probably having him read it at least 8-10 times each day.  (I've got to admit, it was a little grueling and exhausting).

Sunday morning finally came, quicker than we hoped it would!

I was in awe that Tracy's parents and his Aunt Shelley and Uncle Joel wanted to come and hear him talk. (Ashley, Nick and Easton were there as well).
I was in greater awe, when an hour before church started my parents arrived at our door step, unbeknownst to us.
WOW!  
They drove all the way from Utah to see their grandson speak in church!!
(and even more thoughtful, that they brought watermelon, pizza and bread sticks for us to enjoy after church).
 It was humbling, it was touching 
and I have never cried more in my life!

It took Jade about 15 minutes to read his talk.
(I was a nervous wreck all morning...SO worried how it would turn out)
It was painful to watch him pronounce words that most people have no problem with, but Jade got an A+!

According to his Grandpa Tolman...he aced his talk!


I don't think there was a dry eye in the audience, 
people were truly touched by Jade!

In fact, we got this text message from our Bishop 
after we got home from church! 

One of our ward friends posted this on my Facebook wall: 
"What an awesome talk Jade gave yesterday! So wonderful! You guys have really maximized his strengths! He's a sweet, celestial person"!


I feel it such a great honor to be the lucky one 
that gets to call that boy my SON!

(Here is Jade's talk,
so we can have it for memory sake...
I've added in some photos that go with the things he spoke about).

"Our greatest glory is NOT in never failing, 
but in rising up every time we fail."  
~Ralph Waldo Emerson

Heber J. Grant was a great advocate for personal development.  He once quoted the following: “Every person can improve from day to day, from year to year, and have greater ability to do things, as the years come and the years go.”

He truly lived by this motto!  As a young man, Heber decided that he needed to improve his penmanship (this used to be a very important skill). He enrolled in a penmanship and bookkeeping course. Once, during a class, several friends gathered around his desk, joking about his horrible handwriting. One asked the question, “What is it?” Another said, “It’s hen tracks.” The final insult came from a boy who said, “I know what it is—lightning has struck an ink bottle.” Young Heber jumped up, struck the table with his fist and boldly stated that he would live to write even better than the professor of penmanship.

He achieved this goal!  He went from having poor penmanship, to having beautiful penmanship.  This skill helped him earn extra money during his struggling years.  He used his beautiful penmanship to create greeting and calling cards.  Often he received more money making cards, than from his regular job!

You are probably wondering, how can this story apply to Jade?  Life is full of daily challenges. Some people have more challenges and struggles than others. I greatly struggle with reading, math and even coordination.  I have had some very discouraging times!  There have been many tears, much anxiety and many times feeling like I just want to give up! 

However, my life is full of many positive people, who won’t let me give up!  People who keep me motivated and who focus on my strengths rather than my weaknesses! 

My dad first took us backpacking when I was 10 years old. He realized right off, how frustrating it was for me being at the back of the group… so, he tried something and had me LEAD the way. WOW!  For the first time in my life I felt like a winner!  For once I wasn’t slower than everyone else.  In fact, I set such a good hiking pace, my parents and others had a hard time keeping up with me! Because of this one small act by my dad, hiking is one of my favorite things to do and I love it and I’m great at it!     

When I was younger, I could never throw or catch a ball, (in fact, I still can’t).  However, I had a wonderful teacher, her name was Jacki Sare.  She got me involved in the track team when I was in 8th grade.

Even though I wasn’t good at ball sports, I could run and I loved it.  I ran cross country and track for 5 years, never missing a practice or an event!

I was not the fastest runner by any means… most of the time I came in last.  However, I always did my best and after every race, my parents would often hear me say the words: “ I sure did a good job today”!

Last summer, I climbed to the top of Table Mountain with Coach Barrus and another team mate and even though I’m not a fast runner, I am a fast hiker and I didn’t slow them down one bit.  In fact, we made it to the top and back in 5 hours… and for those of you who have hiked Table Mountain, you’ll know, that is a real accomplishment!  I’m grateful that even though I have struggles, I have learned the importance of persistence!  I keep picking myself up and trying again each time I fall, or have a bad day.  

I have some very big struggles with school learning, but, I love people, I truly care about them and I love socializing with them.  My love of running has me running and walking around the roads of Sunnydell almost daily and many times the highlight of my day is when I see my ward friends out in their yards and you stop what you’re doing and talk to me. Sometimes, I admit, I may be a little bit too friendly and I apologize for that, but, many people have told my parents that I made their day when I came and talked to them, or commented on their outfit, or hair, or jewelry!

I’m hoping that my love and compassion for people, especially older people, can make it where I can someday launch a career as a CNA in a nursing home!

Much like Heber J. Grant, I have persisted and developed some strengths.  Some of those strengths are, running, hiking, compassion and love of people!

I just want to thank all of you for loving and supporting me no matter what, even though at times, I may drive you all a little bit crazy, with my super friendly nature. I hope that we can all focus on the positive things in our lives and use our strengths to help boost and lift each other up, just as you have all done to me!

May we be models of kindness. May we always live up to the words of the Savior:

“By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another.”  

(photo of Jade and both his grandparents at Graduation May 2013...

They are always there supporting you and by your side in all of your special moments and successes in life!)

Jade Marshall Smith
You have touched SO many lives for good!
Thanks for being such a great example of goodness to all of us!
Thanks for always being so thoughtful, kind and compassionate.
Thanks for always making us laugh with your contagious and FUN personality!
Thanks for making me SO proud of you!
Most of all, 
thanks for being such a great example of someone who NEVER gives up and who perfectly radiates the quote: 
"Our greatest glory is NOT in never failing, but in rising up every time we fail."  

PERSISTENCE...

it's one of your greatest attributes!

Jade,
I love you...

to the MOON and back!

Thanks for filling my each and every day with JOY!
I couldn't be more proud of you!

Becoming Jade's Mom!

"A mother is the truest friend we have,
when trials heavy and sudden, fall upon us;
when adversity takes the place of prosperity;
when friends who rejoice with us in our sunshine desert us;
when trouble thickens around us, still will she cling to us,
and endeavor by her kind precepts and counsels
to dissipate the clouds of darkness,
and cause peace to return to our hearts".
~Washington Irving

I’ve been thinking about this quote a lot lately, as I have been trying to focus on Jade's strengths so we can help him have the BEST life he can and use his strengths to give him some kind of a career once he moves on from High School.

I am realizing that life hasn’t turned out the way I thought it would, but it’s been a wonderful life indeed!

There comes a time in most of our lives,
where we hear the words come out of our mouths that have every range of emotion from excitement, fear, stress, nervousness thrilled beyond measure and anything and everything else in between…those words:
“I’m pregnant”!

From the moment I found out I was pregnant with Jade,
I watched everything that I put in my mouth, trying to avoid anything with preservatives, wanted to make sure I ate a balanced diet and took in plenty of B-Vitamins and Folic Acid and doing everything I could to make sure I delivered a healthy baby.
I treasured each and every moment of pregnancy
and I loved more than anything feeling the baby move all of the time and knowing I had a sweet little human growing inside that I would soon be a mom to.
I was SO excited for the experience to be a mom!

When I went to my last doctor’s appointment and he checked me and I was dilated to a 3, he told us to meet him at the hospital and that we were going to have a baby before the night ended. Tracy and I took our time (almost 3 hours later) getting to the hospital, because we knew, it was our last moment that we would ever be just the 2 of us, until our kids were raised and out of the house.
Those precious moments together with just Tracy
and I are cherished memories that I will never forget!

The moment of birth is truly the most remarkable feeling I have ever experienced with going through all of the steps of labor
(only had ½ dose of Nubain and nothing else for pain) (which I even commented after Jade was born to the doctor: “that wasn’t bad at all”!)
To that first moment when you lay eyes on your little bundle of joy, you want to look them over and make sure they are perfect and have all 10 fingers and toes and check out their features and see who they look like and how much hair they have and you think of the dreams you have for that precious child that you will love and be a parent to.

You love and enjoy every moment,
from cuddling and reading,
to swinging and experiencing nature with them
to dressing them up in cute clothes and styling their hair.
And before you can blink your eyes,
they are starting school and you can’t believe how grown up they are.

Everything seems perfect…
and then just when you think things are going great, you get a call from the school of their concern for your child and how behind the other kids he is and how he doesn’t seem to be grasping learning.
So, you decide that maybe he is a little immature for his age and so you hold him back a year, but realize that is not helping matters at all either.

For some reason he is challenged greatly with learning

and probably will be for the rest of his life.

(Jade was eleven years old and this is how he put the puzzle together...
It totally broke my heart that I had to take a photo of it. He had fallen asleep by the puzzle and was frustrated that he couldn't figure out how to get the pieces back in the right places even though we had helped him over and over successfully put them in the right spot!)

I felt helpless and wanted SO badly to help him and see him succeed.
For the next few years I bought every child’s book I could get my hands on and filled an entire book shelf.
I read constantly to him,
bought flash cards, puzzles and many other learning tools hoping that the more we worked on things, somehow it would “click” and he would be able to learn and be where the other kids his age were in class. Try as I might, nothing I did, seemed to make much of a difference for him academically.

It was the hardest thing ever to come to terms as a parent to realize that I had a child with a serious learning disability, who was tested and had a low IQ as well and an even harder thing, was telling people that you have a challenged child who is in the “Resource room”
(which used to be labeled “special education” when I was growing up).
(Ethan is sure enjoying all of those books I purchased for Jade…
he thinks we have a library!)

We have come to know really well the words IEP (Individual Education Program) “Special Needs” and “Study Skills”.

The hardest thing about this is,
for the most-part, Jade looks normal and can communicate quite well…
although he doesn’t always use the big words he likes, in the correct context and often gets stories twisted and details get misconstrued.
Even so, his social skills are remarkable!
He loves fashion and notices every single detail of what people are wearing, what they look like etc…
He is actually amazing in this area!
Jade has more friends than anyone that I have met.
We drop him off for school and there are SO many kids (including lots of cute girls) that are always coming up to him and saying “HI” and going out of their way to be nice to him.
He is a very well liked boy and is SUCH a social bug!
He absolutely LOVES people!!

The saddest thing of all, is that he is so behind others, he doesn’t really have a “best friend”. He has plenty of people that are nice to him, but no one person he can go and “hang out” with. Thank goodness he has us for his best friends (his only true friends), but there is nothing better for kids then to have ONE person their age that they can relate to and share life experiences with.
It makes my heart ache that he wants SO badly to have close friends, but everyone has their own groups of friends and they never seem to include Jade.
The saying is true…
when the school doors have closed and the sun has set,
everyone has forgotten about Jade and
they are all into their own groups of friends and activities.

I’m so grateful for organizations such as
the Cross Country team and Track team,
where Jade can participate and feel like he's a part of a team.
He loves running and it doesn’t seem to bother him that he comes in last. He always says after each race: “I sure did a good job today”! He has had SO much encouragement from all of his team mates and even though he does come in last, he has the biggest cheering section of people that care about him!

I’m greatly saddened thinking of him wanting to be independent, but not being able to read and write well enough to ever be able to take and pass a drivers license test.
(someday, we hope that can happen…I’m crossing my fingers).
We have sad moments, thinking of what kind of job Jade will be able to get that he could provide for himself someday.
He loves art and loves to work with his hands and gives the world’s BEST massages.
Someday, he would love to be a Massage Therapist,
or help elderly people in providing relief through massage.
I hope that someday he can really make that dream become a reality.

We were also sad, thinking that Jade may never go on a date,
because he can’t drive and if a girl did ask him, it would probably be a “charity date”…
that was until we met Karissa, a sweet girl with similar challenges and she and Jade have a lot of fun together and have gone to 3 dances this past year and had LOTS of fun.

Each time I go to see Jade at school and go and see the kids that he is around all day that have severe challenges, I leave the school crying as I drive home, thinking that my son just wants to be normal.
He deals with A LOT each day, even more than I can ever comprehend.
He is truly a blessing in my life!

We’re not sure if his challenges stem from the fact that when he was born, he was a little blue and they whisked him right away as he wasn’t breathing well.
We have even been told that he has characteristics similar to a condition called “Williams Syndrome” and we are looking into getting him genetically tested to see if this is what he has.
Whatever he has, it’s not curable.

Now he is half way through his Junior year of high school and is barely reading at a 3rd grade level and can’t really get his thoughts from his head down onto paper without serious help from us or his aides at school.
I have finally had to deal with my
most challenging moment ever as a mom,
when my nine-year old son writes, reads and does math and everything better in school than my 17 year old. It is so hard to praise Ethan and not have Jade feeling bad.

Life is definitely hard some days
to love and accept both of my kids for their strengths,
without making one of them feel badly.

Challenges and all, I love my life
and it is these challenges that have made me
the person I am today!
So grateful to be blessed with an amazing son
that truly teaches me what life is all about!